Get your hands off our lion!

I don't really need to explain why I hate the specter of the Kings — a team with a loyal following in a one-team town — being dragged off in the night for dubious installation in Anaheim. Here: Tom Ziller presents 19 excellent, lucid reasons why the Kings should not relocate to Anaheim. Go read that.

And what about the reasons for this relocation? They suck!

Of course, us dizzy, foam-fingers-for-brains fans must constantly be reminded that the NBA is a business. It's about profit. It's about moving units. Fine, but business decisions can be short-sighted and rash. It's the sort of decision that's easier to make when your (young, talented, oozing with potential) team is losing lots of games. But if you think that Seattle wouldn't be showing up three seasons later to see Durant, Westbrook and co. rack up 40 wins and counting, well, I've got a truck full of crappy plastic bracelets that might help your balance.

If you want to re-post or use this image, you have my permission. Download a high-resolution PDF here. Let's apply pressure where we can. NBA owners have to vote to approve this move. Let's convince them it's a bad idea! Kings fans have been doing good work at Here We Stay, selling out one game and aiming to do it again on April 11. Sactown Royalty covers all the latest action.

I don't know how much impact fans can have in a situation like this, but the people in power have to know that this relocation would mean losing an entire fan-base (customers) in a market that's been historically good for the NBA.

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That one guy and the men in purple

Here we are at the trade deadline, and rather than comment on that frothy mess I chose to watch Kings at Heat — a game that mattered little and was enjoyed less. I was geared to do a more in-depth breakdown but the Heat lay such a quick, steady beating on the Evansless, Landryless Kings that I had to get my kicks with this single, silly image.

So, OK, the Kings aren't able to hang with LeByawn James. Fine. But let's not sentence them to Anaheim. If you're a good person, please have a look at the Here We Stay actions over at Sactown Royalty.

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See you down at Lamprey Chunks

Sorry to be so apocalyptic about this but selling your arena name to a snake oil merchant is the kind of thing you do right before you sell the office furniture.

I was in grade school in Sacramento when the Kings moved there. Reggie Theus came to our junior high to tell us not to do drugs. Why, Reggie? So that we could one day grow up to hand our meager paychecks over to an embarrassing corporate sponsor for Thneeds we don't needs? Reggie???

Hopefully the sun will come out tomorrow for the Kings, but it's starting to feel like each glimmer of hope is accompanied by two subsequent kicks to the crotch.

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Boxed Out, Rockets at Kings, 12/19

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Boxed Out, Kings at Clippers, 12/6

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Boxed Out, Raptors at Kings

The Toronto broadcast of this game did actually mention a product called Astro Biobest as being the official yogurt drink of the NBA but I found no evidence of this sponsorship in two minutes of bleary googling. Scam?

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The Exchange

I understand that this is pure fantasy, it's a business, life goes on, etc but let us note the trade deadline deal sending Kevin Martin to Houston and Carl Landry to Sacramento. Most modern NBA trades are unappetizing samplers of overpaid guys who've worn out their welcomes, nebulous future considerations, career 12th men and draft busts. This is different. Both of these guys rose from obscurity to become fan favorites. Kings/Rockets bloggers rushed to assure each other that they were sending a special player in the deal. It's one of those times when it hurts to be "cheering for laundry" (as Jerry Seinfeld put it).

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Tyreke

Just a little tribute to one of the guys who's made being a Kings fan quite a lot more bearable.

---JOSH

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Theus Ex Machina

Originally appeared over at Ball Don't Lie!

And another one bites the dust. We may be hearing about how the players had lost respect for ol' Reggie, or how he didn't really handle practices well or whatever, but at least he looked like a million bucks in a well-tailored suit. And he was certainly a breath of fresh air after the putrid Musselman season. See ya around, Reg. I'm sure we will. I'm sure we'll see them all again.

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Hard Times

Rub the shark's tummy! Strip originally appeared over at Ball Don't Lie!

So, I just got the Free Darko book, and yeah, wow, it's a sight to behold. I haven't absorbed it all yet, but I think you maybe should beat feet to your closest bookstore. And while you're at it I have a couple other hoops book recommendations. These aren't new, but I only read them recently and they relate to last week's strip.

Seven Seconds or Less: My Season on the Bench with the Runnin' and Gunnin' Phoenix Suns by Jack McCallum is basically what it sounds like. The writer was granted total access to the '05-'06 Suns and took lots of notes. Some of the best bits were the interactions between D'Antoni and his assistants. The mind-set behind their offense. Cute Barbosa anecdotes. Amare's child-like curiosity. Good stuff.

And even better, The Last Shot by Darcy Frey tells the story of the Lincoln High School basketball team, Coney Island, 1991. This book had a back cover quote from David Halberstam that snagged me, something like "This is a book I wish I'd written." Wow. Frey vividly describes the squalid poverty of Coney Island, and what basketball meant to the players and the neighborhood. The game is really their lifeline. Dreams of NBA riches are for the most part overshadowed by players desperate for college scholarships and chances to leave Coney Island. Of course, the team does feature a flashy 14-year-old Stephon Marbury. We know where he's gone, but it's important to see where he's from. And what happened to his less-gifted teammates? From the housing projects to unscrupulous Division 1 recruiters, this book doesn't flinch.

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The Name-Forge of Destiny

I feel bad for players who get saddled with lousy nicknames. Or players who get stuck with one joke about their haircut that gets repeated a million times by lazy writers who can't think of anything better. I cringe whenever I hear Nowitzki (seven-time all-star, league MVP, franchise player) referred to as "Dirk Diggler." Good one! Calling Kyle Korver by the name of the doofus actor from "That 70s Show" is so old that even pointing out that it's old is at this point old.

Complaining about bad nicknames is old too, I guess. But damn it, the Garbage Time All-Stars are gonna crank up the old Name-Forge of Destiny from time to time and see if we can't come up with something a little better for the unique stars of the NBA. Keep an eye on our minty-fresh art blog for further nickname outbreaks.

---Josh

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